I'm Never Good Enough

I just don't know why, but everything that I did never seemed good enough. Nothing is ever good enough. I know I am just a simple, unattractive lousy girl but please, just look at me for once and accept me for who I am. Why can't I do something like the others? I'm hurt. Deeply hurt.

For five years I've been through everything with them. For this whole five years I've been always looking forward to contribute to them. For that particular five years, more than anything I just wanted for them to notice me and appreciate me. I craved for their attention. I yearned for their kindness.

Please, just look at me here. Please, I beg you.

Why do they ignore me? Why do they make it seems like I just did not exist? Why, for God's sake why?
I know that I am different. I know that I am not the best. I know that I will never be their favorite. I know I'm stupid. I know that I'm not brilliant enough. I know that I'm not pretty-faced. I know that I'm ugly.

But they never did give me a chance. Because I'm just not good enough.

I'm tired of volunteering for jobs people did not want to do. I'm tired of trying to prove myself as trustworthy to them. I'm tired of neglection and rejection. I'm tired of receiving side-glances from them.

It should be easy if I'm able to hate them. It should be easy if I just ran away.

But I can't. Those five years had deepen my love towards them so much. What's unfortunate is, it is an unrequited love. It hurts so damn much.

If I keep coming back to them and never give up, do they actually will acknowledge me for who I am?
I'm optimist that they will never realize I'm there at all.

Damn. Sometimes the people that I had met just for three hours know so much about me rather than them. They appreciate me better. They gave me sincere opinions.

But them, for this whole five years, I'm just nothing but a speck of dust on their shoulders.

Shame on them. You'll realize soon that you had lost a very wonderful student. Keep laughing, but only I will have the last laugh. You'll see.

Saya Nak Ambil Result Esok

Saya nak ambil result esok.

Special Days , Yuki Goto

Well, I am currently in watching Special A mood. The opening song really, really touched my heart. I miss my school, and the song just makes me realize how my memories are really my special days. I miss my friends. I miss my teachers. The song makes me wonder, how precious my life had been. The regrets that I am unable to throw away. All the things that had happened, happiness, sadness, friendship, all of them. I want to cry. I miss you guys very much.

Youtube--> Special Days by Yuko Goto

What Twitter will do to you? Seriously, random random thoughts.

May be a result from annoyed outbursts of people (esp teenagers) on their behaviour in social medias. And silent stalking. Hurt my eyes and brain a lot. And yeah, I'm watching Special A. :D

Aku Nak Qiamullail !

Seriously cakap, aku bukan dalam kalangan manusia yang rajin berqiamullail. Boleh kira dengan jari lah berapa kali bangun malam untuk beribadah. Itupun bila masa kat sekolah. BADAR kan suka buat qiamullail ni, kalau terbangun aku join lah. Tapi memang confirm ngantuk.

Friendship in my life

Friendship really means something, eh? Sincerely stated, I was always hesitated on obtaining a 'best friend'.
I was so different when in lower form. Nerd, a loyal prefect, cannot stand disciplinary problems, distancing myself from troublemakers. I was once that person. Maybe still is.

SPM changed me (Part 2)

I'd find myself struggling to find a story plot. Well, I must say, I was able to create such a fine story, entitled The Curse of the Swiss (I have obsession on giving titles). I wrote the essay the night before my English mid year exam, finishing at 2 a.m. Mrs Dayana praised me for that story, and I am actually proud of myself. But well, praises are not good enough, I need marks to prove that. 32/50, a little bit frustrated.

SPM changed me (Part 1)

I lost myself. Akwardly.
It doesn't seem that the world is changing. Not much.
But I changed. I miss my old self.
SPM changed me so much. And I hate it.