I'm Never Good Enough

I just don't know why, but everything that I did never seemed good enough. Nothing is ever good enough. I know I am just a simple, unattractive lousy girl but please, just look at me for once and accept me for who I am. Why can't I do something like the others? I'm hurt. Deeply hurt.

For five years I've been through everything with them. For this whole five years I've been always looking forward to contribute to them. For that particular five years, more than anything I just wanted for them to notice me and appreciate me. I craved for their attention. I yearned for their kindness.

Please, just look at me here. Please, I beg you.

Why do they ignore me? Why do they make it seems like I just did not exist? Why, for God's sake why?
I know that I am different. I know that I am not the best. I know that I will never be their favorite. I know I'm stupid. I know that I'm not brilliant enough. I know that I'm not pretty-faced. I know that I'm ugly.

But they never did give me a chance. Because I'm just not good enough.

I'm tired of volunteering for jobs people did not want to do. I'm tired of trying to prove myself as trustworthy to them. I'm tired of neglection and rejection. I'm tired of receiving side-glances from them.

It should be easy if I'm able to hate them. It should be easy if I just ran away.

But I can't. Those five years had deepen my love towards them so much. What's unfortunate is, it is an unrequited love. It hurts so damn much.

If I keep coming back to them and never give up, do they actually will acknowledge me for who I am?
I'm optimist that they will never realize I'm there at all.

Damn. Sometimes the people that I had met just for three hours know so much about me rather than them. They appreciate me better. They gave me sincere opinions.

But them, for this whole five years, I'm just nothing but a speck of dust on their shoulders.

Shame on them. You'll realize soon that you had lost a very wonderful student. Keep laughing, but only I will have the last laugh. You'll see.

[REVIEW] Karen McCombie's Wonderland

I had just bought this book recently, when I went to the Big Bad Wolf's Big Bad Box Sale. I just love the cover, my type. Not too complicated, just simple and sweet. And there's love and circles! Who can resist that?

So, here's the synopsis at the back.

This year, all Jude wants from Santa is someone worth falling in love with...

Ok, seems harmless enough.

She's always had a weakness for bad boys,

Doesn't everyone do? Duh. (Or it's just me?!)

but might this Christmas be different? Could it be that Jude's finally found the good guy she's been looking for?

A sparkly, spangly, heart-warming novel from best-selling author Karen McCombie.

Totally nailed it. I picked it out, undoubtedly convinced that this is gonna be good.
And what did I expect?

Letter to Father Asking Permission on a Trip

Section A : Directed Writing (SPM)

Room 1423, Traders Hotel,

Manchester City,

United Kingdom.

19th MAY 2012

An Honest Deed

Monday, 11th October 2010. The exact date of the most important incident that ever happened in my life. The incident that changed my life forever. As an orphan, my routine as Rahim Majid is ordinary, same as everyone else. But, on this special date, I felt some sense of excitement crept over me. I still can recall the cheerful, bright sunny morning. The birds were chirping, the trees were swaying in the wind and the morning sunlight flooded into the room. I picked up my saggy bag and grinned with joy, ready to start a brand new day.

SPM changed me (Part 2)

I'd find myself struggling to find a story plot. Well, I must say, I was able to create such a fine story, entitled The Curse of the Swiss (I have obsession on giving titles). I wrote the essay the night before my English mid year exam, finishing at 2 a.m. Mrs Dayana praised me for that story, and I am actually proud of myself. But well, praises are not good enough, I need marks to prove that. 32/50, a little bit frustrated.

Schizoid , The Tragedy 01

             “My sweetie, just be a good girl and go to sleep, okay? “

His eyes were staring deep into hers. Those eyes gave her a penetrating look, yet his lip was curling into the most charming smile she had ever seen in her life. She took a peek at his beautiful, radiant hazel eyes. There was a glint of loneliness in his clear eyes. She pouted. It had only been two hours since he came to visit her. Yesterday it was two hours and five. Can’t he stay longer? For the sake of her?

SPM changed me (Part 1)

I lost myself. Akwardly.
It doesn't seem that the world is changing. Not much.
But I changed. I miss my old self.
SPM changed me so much. And I hate it.