I just don't know why, but everything that I did never seemed good enough. Nothing is ever good enough. I know I am just a simple, unattractive lousy girl but please, just look at me for once and accept me for who I am. Why can't I do something like the others? I'm hurt. Deeply hurt.
For five years I've been through everything with them. For this whole five years I've been always looking forward to contribute to them. For that particular five years, more than anything I just wanted for them to notice me and appreciate me. I craved for their attention. I yearned for their kindness.
Please, just look at me here. Please, I beg you.
Why do they ignore me? Why do they make it seems like I just did not exist? Why, for God's sake why?
I know that I am different. I know that I am not the best. I know that I will never be their favorite. I know I'm stupid. I know that I'm not brilliant enough. I know that I'm not pretty-faced. I know that I'm ugly.
But they never did give me a chance. Because I'm just not good enough.
I'm tired of volunteering for jobs people did not want to do. I'm tired of trying to prove myself as trustworthy to them. I'm tired of neglection and rejection. I'm tired of receiving side-glances from them.
It should be easy if I'm able to hate them. It should be easy if I just ran away.
But I can't. Those five years had deepen my love towards them so much. What's unfortunate is, it is an unrequited love. It hurts so damn much.
If I keep coming back to them and never give up, do they actually will acknowledge me for who I am?
I'm optimist that they will never realize I'm there at all.
Damn. Sometimes the people that I had met just for three hours know so much about me rather than them. They appreciate me better. They gave me sincere opinions.
But them, for this whole five years, I'm just nothing but a speck of dust on their shoulders.
Shame on them. You'll realize soon that you had lost a very wonderful student. Keep laughing, but only I will have the last laugh. You'll see.
