I'm Never Good Enough

I just don't know why, but everything that I did never seemed good enough. Nothing is ever good enough. I know I am just a simple, unattractive lousy girl but please, just look at me for once and accept me for who I am. Why can't I do something like the others? I'm hurt. Deeply hurt.

For five years I've been through everything with them. For this whole five years I've been always looking forward to contribute to them. For that particular five years, more than anything I just wanted for them to notice me and appreciate me. I craved for their attention. I yearned for their kindness.

Please, just look at me here. Please, I beg you.

Why do they ignore me? Why do they make it seems like I just did not exist? Why, for God's sake why?
I know that I am different. I know that I am not the best. I know that I will never be their favorite. I know I'm stupid. I know that I'm not brilliant enough. I know that I'm not pretty-faced. I know that I'm ugly.

But they never did give me a chance. Because I'm just not good enough.

I'm tired of volunteering for jobs people did not want to do. I'm tired of trying to prove myself as trustworthy to them. I'm tired of neglection and rejection. I'm tired of receiving side-glances from them.

It should be easy if I'm able to hate them. It should be easy if I just ran away.

But I can't. Those five years had deepen my love towards them so much. What's unfortunate is, it is an unrequited love. It hurts so damn much.

If I keep coming back to them and never give up, do they actually will acknowledge me for who I am?
I'm optimist that they will never realize I'm there at all.

Damn. Sometimes the people that I had met just for three hours know so much about me rather than them. They appreciate me better. They gave me sincere opinions.

But them, for this whole five years, I'm just nothing but a speck of dust on their shoulders.

Shame on them. You'll realize soon that you had lost a very wonderful student. Keep laughing, but only I will have the last laugh. You'll see.

[REVIEW] Karen McCombie's Wonderland

I had just bought this book recently, when I went to the Big Bad Wolf's Big Bad Box Sale. I just love the cover, my type. Not too complicated, just simple and sweet. And there's love and circles! Who can resist that?

So, here's the synopsis at the back.

This year, all Jude wants from Santa is someone worth falling in love with...

Ok, seems harmless enough.

She's always had a weakness for bad boys,

Doesn't everyone do? Duh. (Or it's just me?!)

but might this Christmas be different? Could it be that Jude's finally found the good guy she's been looking for?

A sparkly, spangly, heart-warming novel from best-selling author Karen McCombie.

Totally nailed it. I picked it out, undoubtedly convinced that this is gonna be good.
And what did I expect?

Lepas Ni Tak Mau Solat Lambat Lagi!

LEPAS NI TAKNAK SOLAT LAMBAT LAGI! 

Setiap peralihan waktu solat sebenarnya menunjukkan perubahan tenaga alam ini yang boleh diukur dan dicerap melalui perubahan warna alam. Fenomena perubahan warna alam adalah sesuatu yang tidak asing bagi mereka yang terlibat dalam bidang fotografi.

Waktu Subuh
Pada waktu Subuh alam berada dalam spektrum warna biru muda yang bersamaan dengan frekuensi tiroid yang mempengaruhi sistem metabolisma tubuh. Jadi warna biru muda atau waktu Subuh mempunyai rahsia berkaitan dengan penawar/rezeki dan komunikasi. Mereka yang kerap tertinggal waktu Subuhnya ataupun terlewat secara berulang-ulang kali, lama kelamaan akan menghadapi masalah komunikasi dan rezeki.
Ini kerana tenaga alam iaitu biru muda tidak dapat diserap oleh tiroid yang mesti berlaku dalam keadaan roh dan jasad bercantum (keserentakan ruang dan masa) – dalam erti kata lain jaga daripada tidur. Di sini juga dapat kita cungkil akan rahsia diperintahkan solat diawal waktu.
Bermulanya saja azan Subuh, tenaga alam pada waktu itu berada pada tahap optimum. Tenaga inilah yang akan diserap oleh tubuh melalui konsep resonan pada waktu rukuk dan sujud. Jadi mereka yang terlewat Subuhnya sebenar sudah mendapat tenaga yang tidak optimum lagi.

Waktu Zuhur
Warna alam seterusnya berubah ke warna hijau (isyraq & dhuha) dan kemudian warna kuning menandakan masuknya waktu Zohor. Spektrum warna pada waktu ini bersamaan dengan frekuensi perut dan hati yang berkaitan dengan sistem penghadaman. Warna kuning ini mempunyai rahsia yang berkaitan dengan keceriaan. Jadi mereka yang selalu ketinggalan atau terlewat Zuhurnya berulang-ulang kali dalam hidupnya akan menghadapi masalah di perut dan hilang sifat cerianya. Orang yang tengah sakit perut ceria tak?

Waktu Asar
Kemudian warna alam akan berubah kepada warna oren, iaitu masuknya waktu Asar di mana spektrum warna pada waktu ini bersamaan dengan frekuensi prostat, uterus, ovari dan testis yang merangkumi sistem reproduktif. Rahsia warna oren ialah kreativiti. Orang yang kerap tertinggal Asar akan hilang daya kreativitinya dan lebih malang lagi kalau di waktu Asar ni jasad dan roh seseorang ini terpisah (tidur la tu ). Dan jangan lupa, tenaga pada waktu Asar ni amat diperlukan oleh organ-organ reproduktif kita. Nak subur? Sila segerakan solat Asar anda!

Waktu Maghrib
Menjelang waktu Maghrib, alam berubah ke warna merah dan di waktu ini kita kerap dinasihatkan oleh orang-orang tua agar tidak berada di luar rumah. Ini kerana spektrum warna pada waktu ini menghampiri frekuensi jin dan iblis (infra-red) dan ini bermakna jin dan iblis pada waktu ini amat bertenaga kerana mereka resonan dengan alam. Mereka yang sedang dalam perjalanan juga seelok-eloknya berhenti dahulu pada waktu ini (solat Maghrib dulu la) kerana banyak interferens (pembelauan) berlaku pada waktu ini yang boleh mengelirukan mata kita. Rahsia waktu Maghrib atau warna merah ialah keyakinan, pada frekuensi otot, saraf dan tulang.

Waktu Isyak
Apabila masuk waktu Isyak, alam berubah ke warna Indigo dan seterusnya memasuki fasa Kegelapan. Waktu Isyak ini menyimpan rahsia ketenteraman dan kedamaian di mana frekuensinya bersamaan dengan sistem kawalan otak. Mereka yang kerap ketinggalan Isyaknya akan selalu berada dalam kegelisahan. Alam sekarang berada dalam Kegelapan dan sebetulnya, inilah waktu tidur dalam Islam. Tidur pada waktu ini dipanggil tidur delta di mana keseluruhan sistem tubuh berada dalam kerehatan.
Selepas tengah malam, alam mula bersinar kembali dengan warna putih, merah jambu dan seterusnya ungu di mana ianya bersamaan dengan frekuensi kelenjar pineal, pituitari, talamus dan hipotalamus. Tubuh sepatutnya bangkit kembali pada waktu ini dan dalam Islam waktu ini dipanggil Qiamullail.

Begitulah secara ringkas perkaitan waktu solat dengan warna alam. Manusia kini sememangnya telah sedar akan kepentingan tenaga alam ini dan inilah faktor adanya bermacam-macam kaedah meditasi yang dicipta seperti taichi, qi-gong dan sebagainya. Semuanya dicipta untuk menyerap tenaga-tenaga alam ke sistem tubuh.
Kita sebagai umat Islam sepatutnya bersyukur kerana telah di’kurniakan’ syariat solat oleh Allah S.W.T. tanpa perlu kita memikirkan bagaimana hendak menyerap tenaga alam ini. Hakikat ini seharusnya menginsafkan kita bahawa Allah S.W.T. mewajibkan solat ke atas hambanya atas sifat pengasih dan penyayang-Nya sebagai pencipta kerana Dia tahu hamba-Nya ini amat-amat memerlukannya. Adalah amat malang sekali bagi kumpulan manusia yang amat cuai dalam menjaga solatnya.

Sumber : Ustazrazi

Saya Nak Ambil Result Esok

Saya nak ambil result esok.

[REVIEW] Disney's Frozen Movie

It's been a long time since I last posted something. It doesn't bother me anyway, because I'm like that. I have a bad habit of getting enthusiastic and psyched over something in a short range of time. Nevertheless, right now I'm in the mood to do some reviews~ ^,^

Special Days , Yuki Goto

Well, I am currently in watching Special A mood. The opening song really, really touched my heart. I miss my school, and the song just makes me realize how my memories are really my special days. I miss my friends. I miss my teachers. The song makes me wonder, how precious my life had been. The regrets that I am unable to throw away. All the things that had happened, happiness, sadness, friendship, all of them. I want to cry. I miss you guys very much.

Youtube--> Special Days by Yuko Goto

What Twitter will do to you? Seriously, random random thoughts.

May be a result from annoyed outbursts of people (esp teenagers) on their behaviour in social medias. And silent stalking. Hurt my eyes and brain a lot. And yeah, I'm watching Special A. :D

Letter to Father Asking Permission on a Trip

Section A : Directed Writing (SPM)

Room 1423, Traders Hotel,

Manchester City,

United Kingdom.

19th MAY 2012

An Honest Deed

Monday, 11th October 2010. The exact date of the most important incident that ever happened in my life. The incident that changed my life forever. As an orphan, my routine as Rahim Majid is ordinary, same as everyone else. But, on this special date, I felt some sense of excitement crept over me. I still can recall the cheerful, bright sunny morning. The birds were chirping, the trees were swaying in the wind and the morning sunlight flooded into the room. I picked up my saggy bag and grinned with joy, ready to start a brand new day.

Aku Nak Qiamullail !

Seriously cakap, aku bukan dalam kalangan manusia yang rajin berqiamullail. Boleh kira dengan jari lah berapa kali bangun malam untuk beribadah. Itupun bila masa kat sekolah. BADAR kan suka buat qiamullail ni, kalau terbangun aku join lah. Tapi memang confirm ngantuk.

[REVIEW] Mitch Albom's Tuesdays With Morrie

I had always been curious with Mitch Albom's books. I have one friend that has almost every book that is written by him. It seems promising, but I tend to analyze a book from it's cover. And all of Mitch Albom's books' covers are actually plain, with only a few lines on it. Which always stopped me from buying them. I will squint my eyes at those plain covers, and put the book back. What a naive me.

Friendship in my life

Friendship really means something, eh? Sincerely stated, I was always hesitated on obtaining a 'best friend'.
I was so different when in lower form. Nerd, a loyal prefect, cannot stand disciplinary problems, distancing myself from troublemakers. I was once that person. Maybe still is.

SPM changed me (Part 2)

I'd find myself struggling to find a story plot. Well, I must say, I was able to create such a fine story, entitled The Curse of the Swiss (I have obsession on giving titles). I wrote the essay the night before my English mid year exam, finishing at 2 a.m. Mrs Dayana praised me for that story, and I am actually proud of myself. But well, praises are not good enough, I need marks to prove that. 32/50, a little bit frustrated.

Schizoid , The Tragedy 01

             “My sweetie, just be a good girl and go to sleep, okay? “

His eyes were staring deep into hers. Those eyes gave her a penetrating look, yet his lip was curling into the most charming smile she had ever seen in her life. She took a peek at his beautiful, radiant hazel eyes. There was a glint of loneliness in his clear eyes. She pouted. It had only been two hours since he came to visit her. Yesterday it was two hours and five. Can’t he stay longer? For the sake of her?

SPM changed me (Part 1)

I lost myself. Akwardly.
It doesn't seem that the world is changing. Not much.
But I changed. I miss my old self.
SPM changed me so much. And I hate it.

Monday, 28 Jan

My First Impression

I was just finishing my Subuh prayer on JL724 when something white caught the corner of my eye. Can you guess what it was?

SNOW!! OH MY GOD!!

Tuesday, 29 Jan

The Real Thing Begins!

Another day had started, and our story continued. So we should be advanced to Fukushima today, yes! But first thing first, we got our first lecture, and now, the real thing had begun! We made our way to the Tokyo Station Business Centre TKP, Tokyo to meet with Mr. Nogami Tatsuya of the Meiji University. I was very excited, as I would meet a real lecturer! This Mr. Nogami Tatsuya must be a great and educated man.

Wednesday, 30 Jan

The Victims’ Voice

The next day, and we proceed with our journey. We were at the Hatori Highland Lake Exchange Promotion Centre to listen to the lecture on outline of the Disaster and Reconstruction. Very fancy name of place and lecture, I must say.

Thursday, 31 Jan

Digging Out The Truth!

Today was a fun day! We had a little crime scene investigation and I felt like I was Detective Conan. I felt really smart even though it was not me who did it. I was just observing. ^^ We made a nuclear radiation test to the agriculture products of Ten-ei to confirm that the agriculture products are safe.

Friday, 1 Feb

Snow Playtime!

I was very upset today. Today was our last day at the pension. We took a photo together with Akashi-san and Yasuko-san. I will really miss them. <3

Saturday, 2 Feb

Brainstorming Session

Yet, another day to go. We had moved to the Regina Forest and I admit, the igloos here are really cute and comfy! The design are really attractive. I hope Malaysia had places like this.

Sunday, 3 Feb

Exchange of Ideas

It’s Sunday. The day of our presentation. Well, it’s not me who will going to present our action plan, but I still felt nervous.

Monday, 4 Feb

Disaster Experience

Our last day in Fukushima, I was sad because after this there will be no snow anymore. So I collected a little snow and shoved them into a mineral water bottle. There were a few boys laughing at me because they sad it was a stupid thing to do. But I did not care. So, I brought the water in the Shinkansen to Tokyo. But the snow melted before I even arrived at Tokyo. =,=’